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Post by Terragon Scrufftail on Jun 1, 2007 8:45:05 GMT
NB: Terralux has a fairly relaxed rule about swearing, but I'd prefer it if you didn't, please.
Pippin, good character, personality, etc. Your writing was very good, but: actions go in astericks, and speech is not in quotation marks here (confusing, I know).* For example: Do you see? It doesn't matter if you don't get the astericks, etc., right the first time.
I think, from your character's personality and your writing standard, you fully deserve Grade Two, and no doubt will be promoted to Grade One shortly!
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Post by Baraka on Jun 21, 2007 19:44:42 GMT
Name: Baraka MacErlon
Gender: Male
Weapons: Morning-star mace, dart crossbow
Age: 20 years
Description: Baraka is a tall, lightly built red squirrel with large, green eyes. Due to his "profession" as an alchemist, patches of fur are often missing from his tail and arms. He is usually wearing a black tunic with a red trim, brown leather pants, and boots. Baraka often carries a leather satchel.
Personality: A generally good natured person, Baraka can often be found laughing at something. Being naturally curious, he is always searching for something, be it truth, trouble, or a new potion recipe. Despite his good points, Baraka can be extremely nearsighted and stubborn, often not recognizing dangerous ground (both figuratively and literally) until he is right in the middle of it. Besides, he can be a generally annoying person. Baraka is trained in the use of a morning star, and is also something of an amateur alchemist.
History: Baraka was born on the westernmost of the war-torn Northern Isles to Waekaroon MacErlon and Sinisa MacRanoc. Due to the violence raging around him, Baraka was trained in the use of a morning-star mace at a relatively young age. in the middle of his teen years, he and his parents were attacked by a raiding vermin band. His parents were killed, after telling him to escape while he could. Having been thrust into the wilderness of the Isles, Baraka learned how to survive, through much trial and error. A few months later, he encountered a hermit, named Cadoran, who taught him the art of alchemy. After two years in the apprenticeship of Cadoran, Baraka once again set about his travels. He gained passage aboard a ship bound for the mainland, and from there went from town to town selling his potions and medicines. Terralux was one of those towns...
OOC: The Northern Isles might be considered the Orkney islands, off the coast of Wales, in real life.
BIC:
RP Example:
An average morning with Cadoran:
*Baraka wakes with a start. He rubs his eyes, wondering what could have woken him. Just as he is about to fall back to sleep, the squirrel hears an explosion occur nearby. He grins knowingly to himself. Sitting up and throwing on a heavy cloak, Baraka steps from his small cabin into the crisp morning air. A layer of frost crunches underfoot as he makes his way toward a larger cabin. He reaches the building and opens the door a crack. Just then, another explosion goes off within the building, sending a blast of smoke and hot air out the door. The door snaps open and Baraka is flung to the ground. The squirrel picks himself up and peeks into the cabin. As the smoke clears, a small, bearded mouse wearing a heavy leather coat steps out of the building.** Hello! **The mouse shouts unnecessarily as he catches sight of Baraka.** Who are you? **Baraka smiles and replies.* I'm Baraka, remember? I've been with you a few months now. *The old mouse looks puzzled for a moment, and then it seems to dawn on him.** Oooooh! I remember you! Hello, my name is Cadoran! **Baraka rolls his eyes.* Nice to meet you too. *Cadoran suddenly turns around and heads back into the cabin.** Let me show you what I have made. **Baraka follows him in. The cabin is rather large, with a table at one end. Sitting on the table, hanging from the ceiling, and piled in the corners are numerous jars, vials, and pouches full of various powders and liquids. The old mouse picks up a vial and one of the pouches and places them on the table. He also gets a small clay dish from one of the pockets in his coat and sets it by his other things. Baraka steps closer to the table to watch. Cadoran opens the pouch and dumps a coarse white powder into the dish. Next, he adds a small drop of a clear liquid from the vial. The mouse takes a step backward.** Stand back! **Baraka also takes a step back. The mixture begins to fizz. Suddenly, a tall flame shoots out of the bowl, followed by a ridiculously large amount of smoke. Baraka turns to Cadoran.* Can you show me how to do that? *The old mouse gives Baraka a funny look.** Who are you?
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Post by Gerfried and Pippin on Jul 2, 2007 4:41:48 GMT
Name Gerfried Zimmer
Gender Male
Species Hedgehog
Weapon Although he is most deadly and accurate with throwing axes, Gerfried often wields a two-man saw when intimidation can be used to his advantage.
Occupation Carpenter
Age 23
Appearance Gerfried is a fully-grown hedgehog with well-muscled arms and large, calloused paws. He is short, but square and bulky. His spike colouration emphasizes the lighter bands on each spike, and his often-dirty fur is a pale honey brown colour when clean. His face, legs from the knee down, and arms from the elbow down are earth-brown. His most common attire is a carpenter's apron made of a coarse ropy fabric and tied around the back, held up by his spikes. Less commonly, he will sometimes wear loose-fitting robes. Gerfried's right ear is small and tattered-looking due to a fungal infection he had as a child. In addition, his eyesight is poor and he will often squint his dull black eyes if he's looking at something in particular.
History Gerfried had a fairly uneventful childhood in Castle Gerolf being trained in carpentry by his father, Klaus. He and his father mostly had a formal student-teacher relationship, though. Therefore, young Gerfried was closer with his mother, Igel, and his younger brother, Horst. Having been raised around all manner of creatures usually seen as vermin, especially rats, Gerfried never learned to be as instinctively wary of them as a hedgehog would usually be.
His life was peaceful until, when Gerfried was about 17, General Reichzahn orchestrated a coup in the very castle that was the center of Gerfried's life, as well as that of everybeast he knew. In the hope that he could regain his stable life afterwards, Gerfried stayed with a fighting group of loyalists led by Balder Gerolf, the Lord's son. Although they were eventually able to retake the fortress, the remainder of the fighting group was too small to hold off any further attacks, so Balder ordered them to disband. More distressing, though, was that Balder ordered them to burn everything that they could. Gerfried had to witness his work, his father's work, and that of all his ancestors before him reduced to ashes. His share of the castle's riches being only a small consolation, the disheartened hedgehog had to make a new life for himself.
Gerfried was able to buy himself some fine tools with his money, almost good enough to make up for his lack of experience. For years he worked in the somewhat large village of Liebesdorf. Although it wasn't as heavily populated as the castle and its surrounding area, Liebesdorf's inhabitants mostly kept to themselves. Dissatisfied with such an impersonal environment, Gerfried decided to leave his second home to search for a more close-knit community where he would be happy.
Personality Gerfried is generally a cheerful beast, if a bit excitable. However, he can at times be intolerant of others if their viewpoint is different from his own. He isn't easily deterred from any task he's already started, and this stubbornness has served him well and ill at different times. He's generally laid-back and avoids confrontation, so his anger is expressed in a passive-aggressive manner. He trusts other creatures easily enough but holds grudges if his trust is betrayed. In addition, anybeast subject to mood swings makes him uneasy because he craves stability. A slow, peaceful life that many would see as boring is exactly what Gerfried wants. As previously stated, he doesn't mistrust vermin because they were some of his best childhood friends. Although he loves to idly waste his time chatting with a friend, he equally values hours spent productively and often loses himself in thought while doing physical work.
RP example *With a large sack containing everything he owns, Gerfried blearily trundles out of his modest house and into the morning. His wet nose twitches in the still air as he tries to locate the nearest large water source.* There has to be a river somewhere, *he grumbles to himself as he picks a direction to travel and bump into a new village. He remarks to himself again,* Any new village, as long as everyone there isn't so stuffy and antisocial. *The hedgehog wonders to himself if anybeast heard his remark, but quickly concludes in his brain that hearing some criticism would only do them good. With his head down and already mindful of conserving energy for the day, Gerfried nearly walks straight into a young weasel who appears to be no more than forty seasons old and who is intently watching a grasshopper. Like him, she also seems to have some items packed up. The child, whose concentration has been broken by the large presence looming over her, looks up admiringly at Gerfried. Excited, she barrages him with questions.* Sir, are you leaving, too? What's your name? I'm Anja. Did you see that fight in village square last night? The beast who won, that was my cousin! I'm leaving. Mother's always telling me to do my chores. Could I come with you? You look strong, I bet you could fight my cousin, too. Have you ever fought people? Where are you goin-- *The stoat stops mid-sentence to look at the spiky figure in front of her who is now smiling, almost laughing, at their coincidental meeting. Resting a formidable paw on her back, he responds exasperated with one single question," What do you want? *Apparently, Anja considers this question in far more depth than it was meant and runs back into the heart of the village. Pleased with his unintentional problem-solving, Gerfried leaves the village. He thinks to himself now, "what do you want?" and he recalls the child running to her home. That's what he wants, too... to go home.*
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Post by Terragon Scrufftail on Jul 2, 2007 19:50:32 GMT
Not bad at all, Grade 2 and a half...? Actually, as I've seen you RP before with both characters, Grade 1. Congratulations.
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Post by Baraka on Jul 6, 2007 20:01:23 GMT
What about me? (posted above)
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Post by Terragon Scrufftail on Jul 8, 2007 11:09:02 GMT
Okay, sorry then, Baraka... let's see.
Right, your character's personality is very well-done, and Baraka's appearance is unstu-ish. However, the fact that your character's parents were killed by vermin gives me a considerable ammount of doubt on what RP Grade to give. Your RP example was well-written, but I felt some of the sentences were a little short and abrupt. Besides from this, my only other complaint is that you used modern phrases like "Hi" ans "she's gonna blow", which would not have been heard of in Redwall/medieval times. Yes? Regardless, over the last few months, your RP has improved extraordinarily, and you are getting closer by the day to Grade 1. But, for now, I will award you Grade 2. A'right?
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Post by laceleaf on Jul 8, 2007 17:03:08 GMT
Name: Laceleaf
Gender: Female
Species: Hare
Appearance: Laceleaf is a light brown hare who always carries a sword and wooden dagger. She wears a simple, dark brown tunic with beige pants. She has a rope tied around her waist, along with her sling.
Weapons: Knife, sword, sling
Age: Adult
Personality: Laceleaf likes to eat quite a bit, and has a particular liking for pies. She is fiercly loyal to her comrades, and completely stubborn if she wants to be. She has a fiery temper, but only when roused. She enjoys the outdoors, particularly woodlands.
History:Laceleaf was born in and grew up at Salamandastron. But when she got older,she grew restless. She wished to travel, and see new sights. So, one foggy spring dawn, she left her home behind to explore. She soon arrived at Terralux, and stayed there. But who knows when she might get up and journey off again?
RP Example: *It was time. It was the day that she would leave her home, Salamandastron, and journey off to places unknown to her. She stood outside, and took a breath of the cool, spring air. A thin fog had settled over the land, covering everything with a shimmering gray.* Well, today is the day. *She told herself.* Today i journey off to distant land. *A thrill of excitement ran through her. Anticipation, curiosity. She wondered about what was out there. She felt the warmth of the forges of Salamandastron, behind her. She saw the cool tendrils of grey mist, beckoning. And with one last look at the mountain, her great home, her refuge, and took one step forward, letting the mist envelop her.
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Post by Terragon Scrufftail on Jul 8, 2007 21:02:15 GMT
Okay, character pretty unsue-ish, but not 100% original. Personality: Fine. RP Example: Okay... here we have a few small problems: namely, you put a small "i" instead of a capital "I". Also, Laceleaf, you said "she" quite a lot, but that's not completely important. Last of all, you left an astericks off the end of the last sentence. Other than those few mistakes (which can be resolved by reading through a message before posting it), you seem like a promising RPer and I will award you RP Grade 2 (middle RP Group) until I've seen you RP a little more around the site.
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Post by Tinsy Stormsight on Jul 9, 2007 13:32:19 GMT
OOC: Since I may want to rp Lonas in the guilds at some point, here he is...
Name: "Lonas" Eale
Gender, Species and Appearance (fur colour, etc.): Lonas is a sturdily built male squirrel, with brown eyes and gold fur. He tends towards "colorfully loud" in dress, although where he gets the money to dye all his clothing red and orange is unknown. Otherwise, he's about normal - he's got a vaguely southern accent, occasionally lapses into "pirate" talk, and has a definitely jaunty sort of walk. Weapon:
Normally, Lonas only carries a small utility knife, which isn't a weapon per say. However, once in a while he carries a rather expensive-looking cutlass.
Age (dibbun, teen, adult, elder, etc.) Adult, probably in his early thirties.
Personality (quirks, faults, skills) Lonas, being an ex-pirate, is a friendly individual in a noisy sort of way. He's constantly cheerful, even if something bad has happened (unless you happen to cheat him out of alot of money.) Money is his main weakness - Lonas is, unexplicably, quite rich. Not that it matters any - the amount of cash he spends on drinks and clothing usually has him floating on the "nearly bankrupt" side. Therefore, he's always interested in a way to make more, illegal or not. Besides liking to make money, Lonas is also incredibly superstitious, and fond of a stiff drink or two. All in all, he's not an unpleasant beast to be around, as long as you don't expect too much.
History Lonas was born "Raymond Lucan", the middle son of a squirrel lord in the Arkains. He is, in fact, Regen's older brother, although neither of them like to bring that up. Lonas ran away to sea at eighteen, presumably to avoid being made a knight. He took up shipping dyes for the Eale family, captaining the ship Amber Star. Unfortunately, just as the dye market was at its peak, he got bored and went into pirating (changing his ship to the Fortune's Leftovers. Needless to say, the Eale family wasn't too happy about that. They promptly disowned Lonas and removed his existence from all records they could find. Lonas, in his typical manner, didn't give a rip. After about ten years of failed pirating (and a good bit of drug smuggling), he went after a big treasure. This treasure, however, turned out to be on some heavily guarded merchant ships, which didn't take too kindly to being attacked. So the crew of the Fortune's Leftovers removed him as captain, leaving him on the shores of Mossflower. At a loss for anything to do, Lonas "retired", a few days too late, and headed to Terralux.
Short (3 - 15 paragraphs) RP Example *But...you can't remove me as captain! I own this ship! *Lonas scowls across his cabin at his first mate. The first mate, a fox known as "Cronos", sighs.* *Look, Cap'n..this wasn't my idea. I told ye not t' put Jack as second mate. Next thing ye know, that weasel has the crew up in arms. *The fox smiles apologetically.* *Sorry.
*Lonas sighs and looks out the window. Indeed, the crew does appear to be having a mutiny - the weasel Double Blade Jack is out there, too, waving his double blades around.* *The squirrel looks back at Cronos and mumbles something, then goes out on deck.* *The crew look up at his shout, Jack smirking up at him. *Eale! *Lonas glares down. *Shut it, Jack. *He looks down at the seething crew, then announces irritably, *Fine! If ye won't have be as yer cap'n, I resign!
*The crew watches as Lonas stomps grandly back into his cabin, pushing past Cronos. The fox watches a moment, then says, *So...wot do ye call ye now, seeing as ye aren't cap'n any more? *Lonas glares over at him. *Gone! Drop me off onshore, Cronos.
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Post by Oakrose & Crew on Aug 21, 2007 15:05:48 GMT
Clearstream will sign up, she's the most warlike. Name: Clearstream Gender: Female Species: Otter Appearence: Silky brown fur, brown eyes Weapon: oak stave, javelin Age: 21 adult Personality: She's got a quick and dangerous temper, however, is caring. Has a small sense of humor. History: Doesn't remember much about her parents, as they died. She and Clearbrook were raised by moles, and then went to Otter's Fort. Clearbrook was briefly piosoned and in a Sickbay. Short: *Clearstream shot off, speeding underwater towards the lake. She dodged a kelp overgrowth, but her stave got stuck. She freed it and came up, quietly, and dived back in without a sound. Finally, she reached the lake. After she crawled up on the shore, she found the treehouse where there was supposedly a problem.* *After silently climbing up the ladder, she saw the problem. Two mousebabes and a mousemum were cowering in a corner under the gaze of two stoats. One had a dagger, and the other had a saber. She put her javelin tip on her oak stave. She knocked the one with the saber out with the stave end, and the other one turned around.* Whell, wot we gort 'ere, a h'ottermaid. Wot you gonna do, make me pweety? *Clearstream grinned.* Yep, I'm gonna make you pretty for your arrival at the dark forest. *She easily side-stepped his heated dagger throw, and stabbed him through the heart. The mousemum thanked her, and she took her leave.* *After throwing the carcass downstream, she bound the other one, and broke his saber on a rock. She threw him, too, downstream, and then began to jog back instead of swim against the current.*
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Post by Terragon Scrufftail on Aug 21, 2007 21:28:07 GMT
Tinsy, that's fine. Grade 1.
Now, Oakrose, just because a character is warlike doesn't mean he/she should be your main character. For example, Terragon is a lot less aggressive, (on the battlefield), than Ashnel, but I RP her considerably more and on other sites. Your character's personality should be a bit more detailed, please. Your history is extremely short and I don't think characters being raised by other creatures is generally a good idea because, frankly, it would mess up your character's mind. Clearstream probably wouldn't be a brilliant swimmer, as suggested by your RP, a'right?
I'm going to comment on your RP a little later, but please don't edit your post. Your RP on the rest of the site is good, by the way.
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Post by Terragon Scrufftail on Sept 3, 2007 20:40:53 GMT
Oops! I never remembered to grade it. Okay, since your RP on the rest of the forum is good compared to your entry here, Grade 2.
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Post by Oakrose & Crew on Sept 3, 2007 20:54:34 GMT
SWEET! What do I do now? I mean, like, since I have the grade?
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Post by Terragon Scrufftail on Sept 3, 2007 21:01:10 GMT
Feel free to sign-up for any of the Guilds, (all the sign-up threads are on this board).
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Post by Tarkaan on Oct 28, 2007 20:35:06 GMT
Name:Druston Deadpaw Gender:male Species:Ferret Appearance:Druston is a brown male ferret with black eyes. He has a crippled right paw. He wears a blood red tunic with a picture of a ship on the left side. Weapon:sword across the back and spear in hand Age:teen(18 years old) Personality:Druston is very weak, but he makes up for his weakness with skill. He is one of the best swordsferret and spearsferret in the land. Druston is not the kindest. He loves squirrels. But he hates almost all other creatures and would gladly kill them. History:Druston Deadpaw was born into the village of Vardag. His father was the leader of the village. Everything he knows he was taught from his little brothers friends dad. His fathers bodyguard as tradition taught him. Since Druston was not an albino ferret he was not going to be the leader of the village but his little brother would. So he left the village when he was 15. He was traveling for many years. And during his travels he learned about many searats that wanted to burn the village. One being Captain Valath Bat. The fearsome pine marten captain. In the end Druston was able to get Captain Valath Bat to sail him somewhere. But it was a trap for Druston. So in a fight with a crew member of the ship Black Barnacle his paw was crippled. He had it bound in chain mail by Valath Bat. But he was dumped by salamandstron. he would have been killed if he did not keep traveling and find Terralux.
Short RP Example : OOC:this is an example takes place when druston was traveling Druston sat stood aboard the deck watching the horizon. He was happy to finally have passage to go somewhere. Druston flinched as something grabbed his shoulder. He turned around to see a rat holding his shoulder and not letting go. He knew that this would lead to a fight and was upset since he was not one to love fighting. Druston Deadpaw picked up his spear in both paws and smiled wickedly. Valath who is at the tiller smiles and tilts his head back a bit. "So you two Fancy a fight eh?" Valath Bat whistles and his bat Atulla comes and perches on the rail behind him. "Fight now" He says with a wicked light in his eyes.
Druston instantly lunged at the rat wanting to kill him. But the rat was one who was older and a much more seasoned warrior. The rat neatly sidestepped the attack from Druston. Druston decided he should focus on skill not anger. So he thought carefully back those lessons he had many years ago. The problem was while he was in thought the rat lunged at him with his cutlass hitting druston square in his right paw. Druston was instantly out of thought and he dropped his spear as he screamed out in pain. For miles you could probably hear Drustons scream. Druston was in tons of pain yet he still some how managed to grab his sword off his back and swing it cleaning cutting the rats head off. During this entire fight the crew and Captain Valath Bat were watching. Valath called out to his crew rapping out orders "Bind his paw in a sheet of chain mail." Valath watched as Druston screamed out even more as the chain mail was bound around his right paw now crippled and dripping blood. Valath Bat then walked over to Druston and took a thing pin and stuck it in Druston's right paw. "You Druston of Vardag will now be known as Druston Deadpaw" He said spitting and smiling cruelly. "Like the pain Druston, it is all you will ever feel." All of a sudden as fast as time itself you could say Valath's bat Atulla dived out of the sky and hit Druston on the head knocking him out. Valath took Druston's body and threw it over board laughing insanely.
OOC:that is how Druston ended up by Salamandstron.
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